THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
