1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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