Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think your dad took our porno
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
