The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
