Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
