Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
