Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
