Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
