u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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