I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
