Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
