I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
