he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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