I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
