Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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