I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
