drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
