I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have feelings that need drinking.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
