Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
