I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
