I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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