She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
