Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
