youre lurking in front of me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
