i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
