if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I did not marry a roomba.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
