he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
