My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
