I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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