would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I came so hard my ears popped.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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