on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
