CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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