I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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