did you get engaged???
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
