could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
