Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A bitchslap is in order.
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