I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
love makes seman taste better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
