They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
