Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
