fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
