That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
