That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Come see our sink grown plant.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
