just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
