; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
