What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
