you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
