All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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