She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
