K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You need a sexual gate keeper
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
