After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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