Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
