He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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