What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
