Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
