Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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