She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
