he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
